These last few weeks have been hectic. My uncle was readmitted to the hospital with kidney issues due to the medication he has been taking for his Parkinson's Disease. He's been getting thinner, and his face reminds me of my father's when he had cancer. It's almost as if it's the face of fighter.
My uncle has always been there for me. When I was a little girl he and I would fight over the channels we wanted to watch on the TV. He and I would play for hours and he'd swing me around until I dizzily laughed to be let down. I couldn't wait for him to come over on Saturdays and take me to the Webber's store and to the park. We'd ride in his green Skylark where the seatbelts were only around the waist, and you could slide off the seats. My uncle always smelled like the men's cologne and always wears a gorgeous watch on his wrist. Lately, the watch I would see him wear was one that I bought for him a few years back, or maybe he just wears it when he came by to see us.
My uncle'd hair is now gray, he lays in a hospital bed not being able to move because his body is so weak. He has all sorts of machines that beep hooked up to his frail body. He sleeps most of the day, but whenever I come by, my uncle opens his eyes for me when I visit, especially if I sing to me. Sometimes he makes sounds, which I believe to be him singing along. I keep telling him he's making progress, and that soon the Father will grant him a healing, and I caress his silvery white wavy hair, I pray over him and ask God to heal his organs.
Everytime I drive out there, I don't call, I just show up, for fear that someone will give me bad news on the phone. But everytime I show up, I am scared to hear something bad. It's strange how my faith is failing me. I feel like I am watching my dad all over again. My uncle Mike, has always been my favorite uncle and I know I am his favorite from all of his nieces and nephews. Now, I just wait and hope that God will answer my prayers help improve my faith in him.
If you pray, please pray for him. I love him dearly, and this has been very difficult for me and for the family. My uncle has two daughers in their 20s and two grandbabies, who adore him. His wife is beginning to lose her faith too. Please pray for my uncle and for each of us, so that we may be able to trust in our almighty God, the way we should.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Thursday, December 30, 2010
New Years Resoultions
As the new year quickly approaches, I realize should start setting some goals. I thought about these very carefully and I hope I can commit to them.
1. I WILL lose weight. Cliché? I know, but I NEED to lose weight. If I keep this up, I'll be eligible for stomach stapling.
2. I will workout at least 3 days a week for 45 minutes. I used to workout everyday, which as soon as I get a routine going, I am sure, will not be an issue.
3. I am going to continue my Masters (Mainly so that I can hold off on paying the my student loans, and I can apply for a loan forgiveness program . By the way: I've been writing my statement of purpose today... Eek! )
4. I will read books for PLEASURE.
5. I will take some kind of arts class; theatre, dance, or music-- for fun!
If I can't do 5 I will do 6
6. Audition for a production again.
Last year's resolutions were each met:
I packed my lunch at least 4 days out of the week. I learned to cook fairly well. I finished the credential program thanks to guardian angels John and Trisha Bowler. I also said I would not judge or let myself be affected by other people's opinion of me.-- So I said, "Screw (most of) them!" Some people's opinions still matter, and that's probably because I love them to much to not let their words affect me.
CHEERS TO A NEW YEAR, NEW HOPES AND DREAMS, A FRESH START, AND A BETTER TOMORROW! May God bountifully bless you in 2011!
What do you resolve to do this year?
1. I WILL lose weight. Cliché? I know, but I NEED to lose weight. If I keep this up, I'll be eligible for stomach stapling.
2. I will workout at least 3 days a week for 45 minutes. I used to workout everyday, which as soon as I get a routine going, I am sure, will not be an issue.
3. I am going to continue my Masters (Mainly so that I can hold off on paying the my student loans, and I can apply for a loan forgiveness program . By the way: I've been writing my statement of purpose today... Eek! )
4. I will read books for PLEASURE.
5. I will take some kind of arts class; theatre, dance, or music-- for fun!
If I can't do 5 I will do 6
6. Audition for a production again.
Last year's resolutions were each met:
I packed my lunch at least 4 days out of the week. I learned to cook fairly well. I finished the credential program thanks to guardian angels John and Trisha Bowler. I also said I would not judge or let myself be affected by other people's opinion of me.-- So I said, "Screw (most of) them!" Some people's opinions still matter, and that's probably because I love them to much to not let their words affect me.
CHEERS TO A NEW YEAR, NEW HOPES AND DREAMS, A FRESH START, AND A BETTER TOMORROW! May God bountifully bless you in 2011!
What do you resolve to do this year?
Saturday, December 18, 2010
A Story of Survivors
Again, I am grateful to God for so many things. Today, I am grateful for El Camino College and it's Associated Student Organization (ASO.)
As some of you know, I was born into a poor family. Luckily, my father managed to get a job in aerospace in the late 70s, while still working as a pastor. When my father was laid off from his aerospace job in 1995, the vision of a four-year college seemed to fade into the distance as my senior year drew closer. At this time, I told my mother that I would just get a job and help support the household and help my sister finish school, and then, I would go to college. My mother was not having it, but when we looked at new tuition costs we realized that I couldn't go to the schools I had always dreamed of. So, I was to either not going to school or go to El Camino College which happened to be the closest community college to our home.
I decided to go to El Camino and although my dreams were of NYU and it's famous Tisch school of the arts. I bit my tongue while students who were not theatre majors struggled through acting scenes and took my craft lightly; not memorizing lines, breaking character, lacking focus, and simply not caring about their "elective" option. I for one, did take it seriously. I switched majors, but came back to my true love: Theatre Arts. Eventually, I started a drama club on campus and ran for the "Fine Art" representative position for El Camino ASO and I stuck around long enough to run for ASO Secretary.
It was during this time that I met some amazingly ambitious students at El Camino College and noticed that not everyone at El Camino was a slacker or would be there for 10 years. I made some amazing friends while I was there. We'd spend our lunches chatting, playing Chinese poker, and working toward righting the wrongs at El Camino. Together with our ASO director Harold Tyler, we went to board meetings and presented arguments for lower parking fees, and child care. I felt like I was a DC comic book character fighting, writing, and speaking to make the school a better place for the poor. It was wonderful! I had purpose again. I became part of the Alpha Gamma Sigma honor's society and eventually began looking at transferring. I was accepted to UC Riverside, UC Irvine, USC, and every other Cal State in southern CA, but chose to go to Cal State Fullerton instead for their excellent Theatre program and affordability.
I am grateful to each of the friends I played Chinese poker with and spent hour typing up proposals and studying finals with. After we transferred I wasn't able to keep in touch. My work schedule and class schedule kept me busy for 20/ 24 hours. But after graduation and the invention of social networking, I was able to keep in touch with one; Siannah.
It was Siannah who emailed me and invited me to Harold Tyler's retirement celebration at El Camino. When I arrived, I knew no one. I clenched my teeth and awaited seeing my old friends. Finally, a face I vaguely remembered came toward me, shook my hand, and said hi. It's been about 10 years since I was at El Camino. I asked him his name.... Sabas! I lost the grip on his hand and gave him a hug. This man was an inspiration to any Latino male in the inner-city. El Camino gave him an opportunity and he ran with it. About thirty minutes later, Siannah walks in. She's in a gray pant suit looking gorgeous and powerful... She's working for the D.A. Then, Bryan...he's a lawyer too. I looked at this circle of friends and thought to myself...we've come pretty far. I almost felt ashamed because I am only a teacher.
On my way back to my car I walked through the Performing Arts (Music Building) and saw the bulletin board that I created for the Drama Club... the same bulletin board letters, border, and paper that I used. Ten years later, no one has stepped up to change it, make it better.
That's when it hit me... El Camino College ASO was a place for each of us to grow. To realize that we could make change as small as it may be, but change nonetheless. ASO was platform for students who came from nothing: poverty, single parents, the streets and we became something. Each of us have a career worthy of note. Each of us is a success story.
I received an email of a picture we took. As I looked at each face, I felt proud of each of them and myself. We made it! So many young people in our predicaments don't, but we did. So often I feel like there's more to do in life, but we survived a lot and will continue to be survivors.
As some of you know, I was born into a poor family. Luckily, my father managed to get a job in aerospace in the late 70s, while still working as a pastor. When my father was laid off from his aerospace job in 1995, the vision of a four-year college seemed to fade into the distance as my senior year drew closer. At this time, I told my mother that I would just get a job and help support the household and help my sister finish school, and then, I would go to college. My mother was not having it, but when we looked at new tuition costs we realized that I couldn't go to the schools I had always dreamed of. So, I was to either not going to school or go to El Camino College which happened to be the closest community college to our home.
I decided to go to El Camino and although my dreams were of NYU and it's famous Tisch school of the arts. I bit my tongue while students who were not theatre majors struggled through acting scenes and took my craft lightly; not memorizing lines, breaking character, lacking focus, and simply not caring about their "elective" option. I for one, did take it seriously. I switched majors, but came back to my true love: Theatre Arts. Eventually, I started a drama club on campus and ran for the "Fine Art" representative position for El Camino ASO and I stuck around long enough to run for ASO Secretary.
It was during this time that I met some amazingly ambitious students at El Camino College and noticed that not everyone at El Camino was a slacker or would be there for 10 years. I made some amazing friends while I was there. We'd spend our lunches chatting, playing Chinese poker, and working toward righting the wrongs at El Camino. Together with our ASO director Harold Tyler, we went to board meetings and presented arguments for lower parking fees, and child care. I felt like I was a DC comic book character fighting, writing, and speaking to make the school a better place for the poor. It was wonderful! I had purpose again. I became part of the Alpha Gamma Sigma honor's society and eventually began looking at transferring. I was accepted to UC Riverside, UC Irvine, USC, and every other Cal State in southern CA, but chose to go to Cal State Fullerton instead for their excellent Theatre program and affordability.
I am grateful to each of the friends I played Chinese poker with and spent hour typing up proposals and studying finals with. After we transferred I wasn't able to keep in touch. My work schedule and class schedule kept me busy for 20/ 24 hours. But after graduation and the invention of social networking, I was able to keep in touch with one; Siannah.
It was Siannah who emailed me and invited me to Harold Tyler's retirement celebration at El Camino. When I arrived, I knew no one. I clenched my teeth and awaited seeing my old friends. Finally, a face I vaguely remembered came toward me, shook my hand, and said hi. It's been about 10 years since I was at El Camino. I asked him his name.... Sabas! I lost the grip on his hand and gave him a hug. This man was an inspiration to any Latino male in the inner-city. El Camino gave him an opportunity and he ran with it. About thirty minutes later, Siannah walks in. She's in a gray pant suit looking gorgeous and powerful... She's working for the D.A. Then, Bryan...he's a lawyer too. I looked at this circle of friends and thought to myself...we've come pretty far. I almost felt ashamed because I am only a teacher.
On my way back to my car I walked through the Performing Arts (Music Building) and saw the bulletin board that I created for the Drama Club... the same bulletin board letters, border, and paper that I used. Ten years later, no one has stepped up to change it, make it better.
That's when it hit me... El Camino College ASO was a place for each of us to grow. To realize that we could make change as small as it may be, but change nonetheless. ASO was platform for students who came from nothing: poverty, single parents, the streets and we became something. Each of us have a career worthy of note. Each of us is a success story.
I received an email of a picture we took. As I looked at each face, I felt proud of each of them and myself. We made it! So many young people in our predicaments don't, but we did. So often I feel like there's more to do in life, but we survived a lot and will continue to be survivors.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Gratitude for God is Good!
I am thankful for all the blessings God has given me. First and foremost-- I am grateful for God because he has given me each of the blessings listed below.
1. My husband Kevin, who makes me smile each day and loves me more than any man on the planet could
2. My health--
3. My mom who loves me more than I even know
4. My sister who is quite possibly the least selfish person I know
5. My nephew Joseph who is hilarious and will someday be on stage making people laugh
6. My in laws who have adopted me into their family and have helped us survive these tough times
7. My new job. I feel so comfortable where I am right now. I feel as if I can be myself and so far, I am not overwhelmed
8. My church family, who has been celebrated the ups and cried with us during the downs. Seacoast Church Redondo Beach rocks!
9. My friends, who although I don't get to see very often, I know I can always depend on
10. I am thankful for life... another year of gratitude and hope for the future.
It's been a bumpy road this year, but God is, was, and will always be good. =)
1. My husband Kevin, who makes me smile each day and loves me more than any man on the planet could
2. My health--
3. My mom who loves me more than I even know
4. My sister who is quite possibly the least selfish person I know
5. My nephew Joseph who is hilarious and will someday be on stage making people laugh
6. My in laws who have adopted me into their family and have helped us survive these tough times
7. My new job. I feel so comfortable where I am right now. I feel as if I can be myself and so far, I am not overwhelmed
8. My church family, who has been celebrated the ups and cried with us during the downs. Seacoast Church Redondo Beach rocks!
9. My friends, who although I don't get to see very often, I know I can always depend on
10. I am thankful for life... another year of gratitude and hope for the future.
It's been a bumpy road this year, but God is, was, and will always be good. =)
Monday, October 11, 2010
Surviving the Recession
I would just like to say that being married and both of us being unemployed is hard. Really hard! I don’t know people made it through the Great Depression! These amazing couples survived one of the hardest trials for Americans and some are still married to this day. I know a married couple at our church that met in a Japanese Internment Camp. Crazy! They are still going strong! I want to be like those couples, but I wonder if they ever have argued like we argue.
Let me tell you, Kevin and I, have almost married a year and we argue about stupid stuff. Mainly cleaning or finding work.
Recently I completed my Student Teaching, which I loved and hated. I loved it, because I worked with some amazing teachers and students, but hated it because I couldn’t get a job. I would be student teaching in the mornings and then I would head to class. Or I would come home to work on some crazy lengthy lesson (that nobody ever does when they actually teach) to hand to my University Supervisor. I thought I was going to die every day. I was tired, and worn out, and broke. Then, when I got home, the small one bedroom apartment we rent, would be a mess. My husband would be sitting at the computer on Facebook, commenting on every friend’s picture and posts. While I had to clean up the mess and fix dinner. Did I think it was fair, no?
But hallelujah! Kevin was contracted into this temporary job in a nearby town, where he did what he does best, work with computers. He has such a passion for it. At the same time, I was done with school, which made life a little easier. I get up in the morning and clean up any messes that were left behind, put the iron away, vacuum, dust, and do all the “wifely duties” I needed to get done. By 10 am the small apartment was spotless and I could read, or think of cool recipes to make for dinner. Kevin came home and had something to talk about other than “The Family Guy” and what people were talking about on Facebook.
Men need to work! Why? Because I think God genetically engineered them to work hard. When they don’t work, THEY DON’T WORK! They do not want to do ANYTHING! Another reason that men need to work is because women need space and time to clean up when they are not around. Crazy!
We’re both on the brink of finding jobs! I just completed my credential program (Thank you Jesus!) and am waiting for everything to post on the state’s website. That way I can say that I am official and I am not overlooked for positions. He may have a position lined up, but it’s not working with computers and I think he is upset. All those years of college, and then to run into this economy, would make anyone feel like giving up. However, a job is a job. I told him, that if it’s God’s will for him to be there, he will love it, because he will make it fun and exciting for himself.
It’s been a rough 1st year, but I guess the tougher it is when you start out, the more you can overcome little things. They say money and sex are the main marriage breakers. Money hasn’t broken us yet, and let’s just say that the sex part is quite alright. ;)
Let me tell you, Kevin and I, have almost married a year and we argue about stupid stuff. Mainly cleaning or finding work.
Recently I completed my Student Teaching, which I loved and hated. I loved it, because I worked with some amazing teachers and students, but hated it because I couldn’t get a job. I would be student teaching in the mornings and then I would head to class. Or I would come home to work on some crazy lengthy lesson (that nobody ever does when they actually teach) to hand to my University Supervisor. I thought I was going to die every day. I was tired, and worn out, and broke. Then, when I got home, the small one bedroom apartment we rent, would be a mess. My husband would be sitting at the computer on Facebook, commenting on every friend’s picture and posts. While I had to clean up the mess and fix dinner. Did I think it was fair, no?
But hallelujah! Kevin was contracted into this temporary job in a nearby town, where he did what he does best, work with computers. He has such a passion for it. At the same time, I was done with school, which made life a little easier. I get up in the morning and clean up any messes that were left behind, put the iron away, vacuum, dust, and do all the “wifely duties” I needed to get done. By 10 am the small apartment was spotless and I could read, or think of cool recipes to make for dinner. Kevin came home and had something to talk about other than “The Family Guy” and what people were talking about on Facebook.
Men need to work! Why? Because I think God genetically engineered them to work hard. When they don’t work, THEY DON’T WORK! They do not want to do ANYTHING! Another reason that men need to work is because women need space and time to clean up when they are not around. Crazy!
We’re both on the brink of finding jobs! I just completed my credential program (Thank you Jesus!) and am waiting for everything to post on the state’s website. That way I can say that I am official and I am not overlooked for positions. He may have a position lined up, but it’s not working with computers and I think he is upset. All those years of college, and then to run into this economy, would make anyone feel like giving up. However, a job is a job. I told him, that if it’s God’s will for him to be there, he will love it, because he will make it fun and exciting for himself.
It’s been a rough 1st year, but I guess the tougher it is when you start out, the more you can overcome little things. They say money and sex are the main marriage breakers. Money hasn’t broken us yet, and let’s just say that the sex part is quite alright. ;)
She got FAAAAT!
Over the last two years I have managed to gain 50 lbs. When I was once only 15-20 lbs overweight, it seems that I am now 70 lbs overweight. How does this happen? I want to blame it on stress, but there are skinny stressed out people. I would like to say it’s happy weight, but what kind of weight is happy? Is it genetics? My mom is overweight, but my sister is thin. So, I have to come to terms with things… I am fat.
So what now? I am fat and what I can I do to change the fact that I am slowly ballooning into an elephant? --Okay, maybe not an elephant, more like a young farm animal. Still, it depresses me to know that me the once gym rat, healthy food eater, and lover of fitness is lazy and fat.
Today, I begin journaling for 10 days everything that I consume. I will try to share with you all what I have been eating. That way I make myself accountable to someone other than my husband who says I am beautiful even when I feel like a blimp.
So far today, I have had one sip of water. Water is good, right?
This has got to change! I have a 1.5 year goal. Hopefully it comes off sooner, but I feel like 70 lbs is a lot of weight. I know that I can do it with the Lord’s help. Philippians 4:13: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So, today, I ask the Lord to give me the strength I need to get healthy.
Now, I have had two sips of water.
So what now? I am fat and what I can I do to change the fact that I am slowly ballooning into an elephant? --Okay, maybe not an elephant, more like a young farm animal. Still, it depresses me to know that me the once gym rat, healthy food eater, and lover of fitness is lazy and fat.
Today, I begin journaling for 10 days everything that I consume. I will try to share with you all what I have been eating. That way I make myself accountable to someone other than my husband who says I am beautiful even when I feel like a blimp.
So far today, I have had one sip of water. Water is good, right?
This has got to change! I have a 1.5 year goal. Hopefully it comes off sooner, but I feel like 70 lbs is a lot of weight. I know that I can do it with the Lord’s help. Philippians 4:13: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So, today, I ask the Lord to give me the strength I need to get healthy.
Now, I have had two sips of water.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Blogging about blogs...
Today, I went to my myspace page and revisted old blogs. Usually they are about relationship issues, romance, or random moments where I needed to vent about life in general.
Lately, I've been so stressed with school and life in general that I forgot how excited I was when I realized I wanted to be a Special Education teacher. It seems everywhere I go, and the people that I meet are negative about their lives as teachers and I hear complaint after complaint. Since I am not a teacher right now, I have no students of my own that inspire me, the stories of "my students" are not "mine" and I forgot how fun it was to teach everyday. How every morning when my students walked into homeroom a new adventure began.
When I read my blogs I reminded myself of how much I love my kiddos and how much I looked forward to my daily stories. I found a blog where I decided I want to be an Education Specialist and teach students with special needs. I was SO PSYCHED!
August... is the month. I should be done by then. I pray to God I can find a job and the inspiration will begin again.
Right now, I breathe and try to look forward. I know the finish line is out there, but I have to get over this hill to reach it. Credential, why are you taking so long?
Lately, I've been so stressed with school and life in general that I forgot how excited I was when I realized I wanted to be a Special Education teacher. It seems everywhere I go, and the people that I meet are negative about their lives as teachers and I hear complaint after complaint. Since I am not a teacher right now, I have no students of my own that inspire me, the stories of "my students" are not "mine" and I forgot how fun it was to teach everyday. How every morning when my students walked into homeroom a new adventure began.
When I read my blogs I reminded myself of how much I love my kiddos and how much I looked forward to my daily stories. I found a blog where I decided I want to be an Education Specialist and teach students with special needs. I was SO PSYCHED!
August... is the month. I should be done by then. I pray to God I can find a job and the inspiration will begin again.
Right now, I breathe and try to look forward. I know the finish line is out there, but I have to get over this hill to reach it. Credential, why are you taking so long?
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